How have our plans changed.
Don't get me wrong. I still love this city. I love this apartment beyond all limitations. And I love all the moments spent here with what I call 'my little family'. But this world is not yesterday's world, nor is it tomorrow's. Before March we never had to think enough of the limited space issues, the world was right outside; endless space with no boundaries. When this was not an option anymore, a lot of things were brought into question. Suddenly we started spending so much time indoors, and up to this moment our homes had never appeared to be of such vital importance.
Halfway through the lockdown we started weighing multiple life-changing opportunities. The beginning of summer found us consumed by the thought of leaving London for good. We have started looking at houses in my home country, an idea which never occurred to me I would consider so quickly in life. We wound up being so overwhelmed with all the changes required, quitting our jobs or negotiating new terms with our superiors, looking at cars, planning on buying a new house, going against Covid-19's will and making plans for the future [..] it was all simply a lot to take in!
One thing led to another and we decided to freeze all plans and let the summer season pass instead, hoping we can start seeing things afresh with fall. Summer season came with a lot of pressure on us. Looking at everyone abroad getting back on with their lives, being social once again and enjoying the summer pleasures, beach and sun, got us off guard. The absolute lack of 'a life' beyond the four walls of our home was instantaneously colossal. We needed to act. But first, we needed a break from life as we knew it. Beside all the uncertainty surrounding traveling during a pandemic, we decided to book last minute tickets and fly back home to check the ground in person, take a chance to relax and reconsider our options.
One by one, friends and some of the people we know started abandoning life in the city. Various reasons, whether job uncertainty, family or money issues, or simply because they felt fed up and they have gone is search for a better future, all the above and some more led to this gradual urban exodus. People need to feel that no matter the adversity of our times, they are standing at a place of solid ground. To me, it felt like I wasn't ready to give up just yet. After all, I needed some more time. It's a fact, our lives have changed in drastic ways; ways we never imagined. Even if we thought we could never possibly live like that, we managed. Actually, we are doing OK. We became reacquainted with our priorities. We needed a job, now more than ever. It is definitely not a good time to be looking at new beginnings. More than anything else, it didn't seem like a good time to invest in properties either.
If there's one thing this past 6 months have taught me, is that I have way more patience than what I thought. I learnt to fight my demons and realised it only made me stronger. So many doubts when it came to decision making, so many what ifs. And yet, we have another 6 or I don't know how many months to figure all the answers. At this point in life, we decided we are staying. This city doesn't have much to offer right now, but moving doesn't sound promising either. We are just waiting for the next storm to pass, while in the meantime learning to dance in the rain. There was calm before the storm, there will be calm after. And we will make sure to be ready when the time comes for our new beginning.
Maybe we'll be in a warmer country, surrounded by family. By this time next year, we could be settling in our new home, spending most afternoons preparing our garden for winter. Maybe we will be taking our next career step. I want to be optimistic while thinking of the future. Our plans have not changed, they are just being postponed for when the time seems more right. I can dream of my future patio already. I can hear the leaves rustling during that breezy autumn afternoon while the sun is setting. In my head I have built our future home a million times. I have set the table to welcome my guests even more times. I know where all my books go. I know all the wall finishes we want. I am longing for the stress free days that are bound to come.
I am trying to see this time as a great opportunity to take some time away from the worldly and reprioritise life. London is not for ever but I am damn sure I will miss this place when we are gone. Especially if I escape under this circumstances. You could say people like us are a little bit of life nomads. For us, home is the here and now.
At this moment in time I clearly know where we are headed next, but I am not on my way just yet.
Berber Lodge @Marrakech, Images Credits:
https://www.thehotelguru.com https://www.palmsandbricks.com https://www.venuereport.com https://localmilkblog.com