Forever is just a moment.
He pauses in the middle of random nights, stares silently into my eyes and says 'I love you, forever'. And I respond to him, 'forever, is only a moment; let's live it up'. True story.
These days I get asked on a consistent basis, how's married life. It's as if everyone's expecting us to change into something completely new. I remember myself asking the same question before. Suddenly, the nature of this question surprises me, unexpectedly. I am guessing people must've been searching for answers to this since the beginning of humankind. What's the secret to a successful and happy marriage? When we decided on forever, we didn't have all the answers. We set our hopes on time instead. Time always has its ways of showing us.
I was about to start dedicating some time to writing. That was the case over two years ago now. Next thing I know, I am getting married! My very first reaction was, fear. I was not marriage material, but I guess there is a first time for everything. You never think of the things you could possibly do, until the day you simply start doing them. I always believed I will be a for-ever-Carrie-Bradshaw, in my own version of 'Sex & the City'. That was until I met Carlos. Well, thinking about it [...] eventually even Carrie moved on. That makes the things we have in common two then.
I haven't always been so sure of things. By the time I met Carlos, I was a free bird for almost five years. Transformation happened in less than a month. One after the other the walls were falling down and before you even realise it, you know of things. You are sure of them. Soon enough, the Bradshaw side of myself was a lasting memory. Every second is of infinite value. And life if well lived, is long enough. I remember the last thing I told Carlos before we walked the aisle together: 'If there is no forever, now is more than a lifetime!' And I truly believed it! That was our moment in eternity.
I still shiver with the heebie-jeebies on that thought. For years, I worked on the pursuit of finding peace in mind. Living away from home for over 14 years now I admit, I have my demons. Connecting with people'd always been my Achilles' heel. I hadn't been sharing much so I wouldn't end up hurting worse. And it worked for many years. Today, things are different. I suddenly feel more vulnerable, exposed. Getting to love again someone so deeply, has awakened all possible emotions. I am missing my family like never before. I am scared of flying. I want to start a family. Still, what has marriage changed in our lives? Nothing.
In response to everyone's question, post wedding I found myself at a working fever pitch instead. Focusing on my career at this stage, really fills the scope of my current life status. Teaching, office, KIbS club, writing, housekeeping, trying to be a good wife. All this madness could be part of the live life for the moment motto I always seem to be following. I truly believe that when you dedicate yourself to the things that really matter to you, that is where you will find the kind of fulfilment that can withstand any sort of doubt; no forever required.