How to rock the 9th month' emotions.
As you approach the last month of your pregnancy, what are your actual feelings? Can you distinguish which emotion prevails the most? Is it stress, relief, excitement, fear, impatience or an overload of love? I find myself unable to identify what is it that I feel exactly these days. If only one could dissociate and feel each emotion at its full capacity! Maybe it is the degradation of our current times, the sense of confinement along with the uncertainness regarding what lies ahead that prevents me from having a glance on the future brimming with plain positiveness.
Today I was unable to find half of the words to speak. I couldn't remember how simple everyday objects are called. I was referring to everything as this and that. Quite upsetting if I may be honest. Has my brain shrunk? No wonder I am going through so many different emotional states! I don't think my brain or myself has ever gone through such a transformation until recently. To be fair I don't feel much different when it comes to my physical health. I am same old me. Not much has changed during these past 8 months. If you exclude the extreme fatigue of the first couple of months, no cravings, no nausea or dizziness. Work kept me pretty busy during this time, I barely had enough time to deal with anything else. But my brain was doing game during this whole time.
Now is the time to start preparing all-about-the-baby; select a baby crib, set up the nursery room, wash all the baby and postpartum clothing, prepare your hospital bag, get a car seat and a stroller. People usually recommend to make a plan with friends and family members before your due date, in order to be able to receive as much care as you possibly can during the first two to three weeks postpartum -a cooked meal, getting some shopping done, help with the house and so on. Unfortunately in our case this isn't an option considering the pandemic factor, so we will have to put some extra effort in stocking up our cupboard with food and essentials for a few weeks and pre-cook a handful of meals in advance. If only the circumstances were different!
About this time you also begin to become even more fearful to the idea of labour, or simply exited and can't wait for your pregnancy to end uneventful. The unknown can be a stressful factor and we've all heard about how painful delivery is. At this stage, it's important to not be over dramatic and spend this period as calm possible. Believe in yourself and your body's ability to deliver. Educate yourself as best as you can instead, and trust that you can do it! Trust that your body and baby know exactly what to do whether it is your first birth or not. Your body knows what to do, you just need to allow it. You may also have mixed feelings about your body image. You love your baby bump, but at the same time you wonder if it's ever gonna go back to its original shape after birth. It's absolutely normal to feel that way. Make sure to remind yourself every now and then how incredible and miraculous it is to create another human.
It could be that recently you also feel slightly more useless than usual, especially if you used to be hyperactive up until now and suddenly needed to slow down. I used to do so many things on a daily basis. As the pregnancy progresses you naturally feel that you need to learn to take it easy instead and to not push yourself to the limit. I am considering myself very fortunate for having the ability to be sharing this journey with someone. And thus, some days I am trying hard to convince myself that it's alight for me to seem lazy and not try and do everything the whole time. This does not actually make you lazy or dependant on somebody else. You are simply taking care of your baby the best way you can. Carlos is enormously eager to take over almost everything these days. Cooking, laundry, cleaning, heavy lifting, shopping, organising the house. He is working his ass non-stop, which at the same time is good practice for what's about to come. I on the other hand take it as a lovely gesture and a great proof of his love, affection and devotion to our little family.
Concurrently, you may also find yourself overwhelmed by all the things that need to be prepared in time for the baby. For me making lists and prioritising tasks is essential. I enjoy getting things done as much as I enjoy knowing when they are done. In the following weeks I will try my best and put together the baby essentials and hospital bag checklists on my weekly posts, as I gradually assemble them for myself too. I will also share tips on how I will -hopefully- manage to put a simple nursery together. We have just moved places and I have a huge deadline coming end of November, so bear with me while I will be slowly getting things done. I generally tend to work on a to-do-list basis and what better reason to fight my brain clumsiness and forgetfulness! All comments and advice welcome!
Ambivalent feelings are part of parenthood and of life itself. Looking at parents or parents-to-be that look like they've got it all under control at all times and they are fully enjoying it, it's hard for me to believe -if I don't take it as being fully pretentious. I believe that similar to everything else in life there will be days that we'll love being parents and days when we'll be wondering how did we mange to get ourselves into this mess. Mixed feelings are the real thing. I allow myself to feel bad as much as I allow myself to feel good. It's part of the process of me getting stronger, learning to deal with stuff and progressing as a person. And it helps appreciate the good things even more.
I treasure this moments and I tend to believe that it's all natural and beautiful. I am progressively preparing myself for the biggest change of my life, one that if I am lucky will hopefully accompany me for the rest of my time. I am blessed with amazing and loving parents and as far as I am concerned I had received excellent treatment and care growing up. Having a partner by my side, sharing this experience together makes me feel even more blessed every single day. I can clearly feel how this time has brought us even closer in a bizarre, completely new way that we still can't fully assimilate up until this moment. New, silly versions of us are hopeful though that soon we'll find out what's all the fuss about. Once and for all. Keep the smile, leave the tension, feel the joy, forget the worry, hold the peace, leave the pain and try your best to be happy!