More than a Mother
i know i am more than a mother i know being a mother does not define me but please be patient, let me get to know this new me, this new role i was given. let me get comfortable with my new worries, fears, and love. i know that next to being my daughter's mother, i am still my own person. and for now, that is enough.
I first created this blog space thinking it will be my creative space. I would be sharing inner thoughts, emotions, stories; the simple everyday life. Throughout this time, I had moments of incredible inspiration where I was highly motivated, and moments of guilt where the lack of time would literally not allow me any space for new creativity. There are two categories of people. The people who think I am a very busy mum and woman -working, doing what I love, keeping myself active and productive above all; the multitasker flesh and bone [...] and the ones who believe that since becoming a mother I've found my purpose in life and got comfortable in 'doing nothing' else but raising my child.
The truth lies somewhere in between. I have always enjoyed being a multi-tasker. I couldn't live it any other way. I would sacrifice my sleep if I had to, to fill up my days and nights with as many activities possible. But this side of Ero feels like a previous life to me now. I still don't get a moment to breath, but for different reasons. To the people that think I am only a mother, I wish -and would love- to be able to do so. To me, there is nothing more valuable than the honor of being a mother. It's more than just a role; a profession. It's a mega sacrifice. An enormous blend of fears and unaccountable unconditional love till the end of time.
As I grow wiser, I realize how quickly time goes by and that time is by far the most valuable currency in the world. I want to be more present. I want to be able to disconnect from the world, to put my phone aside and forget about it for hours. I want to watch my child grow and soak in every single bit of it all. I want to have real conversations with the people around me and pile up memories that would never be forgotten.
Since getting pregnant the first time around, I found myself sharing much lesser of our lives to the public eye. The less I shared the more I would found myself present in the moment, and that happened effortlessly. Of course there were moments were the memory of my old-self made me feel nostalgic about more-productive-me and that’s why I have decided to continue sharing parts of our beautiful journey with this community. Being honest, this community had been a great companion and influence at both the good and the hard times and it had blessed me with people I wouldn’t have met otherwise. That, I am so grateful for.
For most of the time, my phone is somewhere deep inside my bag under a pile of toys and diapers, or buried in some corner of my house forgotten. It’s been less than a month now that I started to feel that my little baby girl is not that much of a baby anymore. She’s developing a proper adult personality. For the first time in a long time, I am fully aware of life as it’s happening right now. We can communicate in ways I've never imagined before, we laugh, we play, we learn, we observe, we grow together. Motherhood IS truly a beautiful journey.
As we grow together, we learn to slow down and focus on the simple everyday things. Together we help each other to be more present into the here and now, and live significantly all the insignificant little things. The first steps, the first falls, the big and small achievements, the first words and all the laughs and sounds we explore together. Every little thing matters. And I want to always keep my eyes open in order to be able to see it through her eyes.
